How does someone try and convince a parent or loved one that moving into a safer environment is the right choice? How do we make them see that by letting go of the present situation it is actually allowing them to keep their independence for a much longer period of time?

Change is difficult for most anyone. We feel more comfortable in familiar surroundings. It is easier for someone to procrastinate a change rather than act on it. The thought of sorting out lifelong belongings and collectibles is quite overwhelming and avoidance is the simpler way of dealing with it.

However, in the life we know, everything changes. Every day something in our lives changes in some manner. Of course we cannot change the past or predict the future, but we can try to project what we may be faced with down the road based on the past and present circumstances regarding health, finances, safety and family dynamics. Take a look at the current situation with a parent or loved one. Are there serious concerns? How will these current situations affect that person and their family if left untouched and allowed to take its own course?

One never knows when a crisis is around the corner. Let me ask you this: If your car “check engine” light comes on, do you ignore it for months, even years, because you are afraid of what the mechanic might tell you or do you have your car looked at to check for the problem before it becomes a bigger issue? It could be as simple as adding more radiator fluid or maybe it is something to do with the transmission. Either way, knowing what the problem is and having it attended to will give you peace of mind knowing your car is in a safe condition for driving on our busy roads. We must not ignore the signs given to us with cars, appliances or loved ones.

Image via Design Mind.

Families today see the signs of their loved ones faced with constant changing health issues, yet most seem leery of how and when to broach the subject of aging in place or getting in home assistance, seeing a specialist or moving into a safer environment. Why? Because it can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up. You feel it will become confrontational or hurtful and I can express to you that typically your loved one’s first reaction is resistance. Heels are dug in and they are not open-minded to any new changes.

This is very typical and understandable behavior from their point of view. It is a scary thought, especially the older we become; however, I can also tell you from my experiences with elders, that they do have fears and anxieties about their safety, health issues and daily declines. They remain silent about them and in many cases it is denial of aging. In other cases, it is their pride and strength of holding onto their independence.

This holding onto independence can also be interpreted as being stubborn or in other cases, they do not want to “bother or burden” their children and other family members with their worries. This becomes a cycle that can last years—years of avoidance, sweeping under the carpet, not addressing the “check engine light.” In turn, this cycle slows down the process of being proactive in the care plan for your loved ones. It doesn’t change anything, however.

I can tell you this fact: by avoiding a current or previous health condition, you are allowing more opportunities of something critical to occur.

Once something critical occurs, then your options and choices are numbered as is your time to put a plan in place according to your liking and wishes. I see it all the time. My phone rings and someone is in crisis mode. Either someone fell and needs rehab or someone takes ill and is hospitalized leaving both scenarios unsafe to be discharged home alone. Let me ask you this: How many options do think you will have and how much time will you be allowed once your loved one is faced with hospitalization or rehab? You will be under the gun to make serious life-altering decisions.

Now you are under pressure and everyone’s emotions are flying high. Waiting for a crisis to occur before putting a safe care plan in place makes things much more challenging for the whole family. Families today are busy with work schedules, children and obligations in and outside of work. Now you have this crisis sitting in the middle of your plate and it is NOW unavoidable and needs your immediate attention. Decisions need to be made, and not on your time schedule but the schedule of the hospital or rehab facility. That means fast decision making and fewer choices to choose from.

Consulting with an expert before it becomes an “in your face crisis” is the best way to start this emotional and difficult process of care transitions. It will take the constant worry off your mind. Your parents or loved ones will be more at ease knowing there is a plan for them where everyone involved is on board and you will not be forced to make life-changing decisions while under pressure from a facility. If you already have a plan in place or have been educated on the many different resources available which are appropriate for your loved ones needs, you are ahead of the game. If not, I encourage you to reach out.