Sending flowers, candy and greeting cards are the norm for mom on Mother’s Day, but as a member of the baby boomer generation, we recognize that what your aging mother really wants on her special day is to feel nurtured.

Sandwiched boomers recognize that aging is a natural progression and a normal part of the life cycle. But just as it is difficult to accept your own aging, when you witness your mother regressing, the facts of life provide scant comfort. Acknowledging your mother’s decline in well-being becomes the first step in your plans for realistic long-term care for her. Research shows that money, title or good health has less effect on life satisfaction than strong personal relationships can. So this Mother’s Day, make a commitment to do what you can to improve your relationship and give your mom and yourself positive memories.

Here are six tips to help you get started:

1. The gift of time is one of the most precious gifts that you can give your aging mother. Spend some quality time with her talking and reminiscing. Look through old family photographs and ask her to tell you stories about when she was a young girl. The time you spend with her now will sustain you both.

2. Make your mom feel more valued by concentrating just on her: plan a date with her for lunch or shopping. Let yourself become absorbed and delight in these pleasurable activities. Pay attention to the details. Talk about what you are doing, appreciating and enjoying. Linger awhile in order to make it last.

3. On some of your visits, do a chore to ease her burden – go grocery shopping together, accompany her to the next doctor’s appointment, cook a delicious meal with enough left over for the next day.  The old-fashioned art of letter writing can help you develop a closer bond. Write her a letter about how grateful you feel to have her as your mother. Sharing these feelings increases good memories about the past and leads to greater personal satisfaction for both of you.

4. If you have some old issues to work out with your mother, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by writing her an apology letter or a letter offering forgiveness. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and your mother from dwelling on anger or resentment.

5. When you forgive your mother for some past transgression, it doesn’t necessarily excuse the action, but it does free you from ruminating about it. Forgiveness releases you from the past; it is a gift that you give to yourself.

6. Enjoy your mother today and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. I would like to share with you a special something I read recently: “When a couple exchange wedding vows “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” those words often apply many decades later, long after the wedding photos fade and crack. That promise of fidelity through good times and in bad, frequently extends to the couple’s children when the roles are reversed and they have to care for their aging parents.”And here is an essay on the website springintheair.com that puts intergenerational conflict into perspective. It is a letter from an elderly mother to her daughter: “My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: ‘You said the