As this new season of spring unfolds, for many of us it is time to rethink and reshape what have become complacent lifestyles and standards for ourselves and for our aging loved ones. Have you ever heard the little voice in the back of your head saying, “You better do something; this cannot continue on like this; it’s not going to get easier”?

So, when exactly do you come to the realization that changes need to take place? When does that process begin? How do you get it moving and who will help you face this daunting task?

It does not need to be daunting. Change is a good thing. Change opens the doors to new possibilities; it frees the soul of otherwise paralyzing situations. Let’s talk for a minute about how caring for a sick or aging loved one affects our day-to-day momentum.

Do we plan our loved one’s schedule or does their schedule dictate our every move, thought and feeling of happiness? Do we have a life anymore? One that’s easygoing? One where we are free to feel excited about an upcoming event with friends or family members? Or are those feelings clouded over with anxiety, worry and guilt because we feel obligated to care for and be there for our loved ones? I would say, in my experience working with many families from all different backgrounds, most of us want to care for our sick or aging loved ones.

Not always, but in most cases, we feel it is our duty now to look after them and it also gives us the sense of feeling needed and appreciated by the ones we love. For others who do not feel appreciated or for those who are given constant guilt trips throughout the day, you are the caregivers who need to come to terms with this. No matter what we do or how hard we try, it will never be enough. We not only will be unable to make them happy or feel content, but we will become exhausted, unhappy and maybe even a bit resentful after a period of time.

Before things get to this point, we need to stop and ponder what lies ahead for them and us. This is the time when we need to look at a multitude of things: their overall health and diagnosis; where they reside and if there are appropriate alternatives; the status of their estate, finances, power of attorney, proxy, living will and directives; in-home assistance; and last, but not least, we need to ask ourselves: “How long can we carry these responsibilities without sacrificing our own lifestyle and happiness?”

If you feel alone in all of this and have other family members you can reach out to, then speak up and tell them you want and need their help and support. Distribute the tasks which need addressing, and get things in order to facilitate clear decision-making as a group or family.

Of course, you can always consult with professional services who will guide you through these very important steps.

So many times our own feelings of overwhelming pressure, worry, guilt or procrastination can be a major roadblock for the changes that must occur. We need to think outside the box. If you are one of those people who know you need a nudge to make choices and changes, then by all means seek professional guidance.

Here is something else to keep an open mind about. By taking action and making changes, you are giving yourself permission to hand over some of the responsibility, yet still have control over the matters at hand. You are not saying goodbye to your loved one, but opening yourself up to the idea of a new beginning, one of peace of mind, enjoyable gatherings and shared joy.

There are many wonderful elder care options and alternatives. You might be amazed at what our local communities have to offer. Once you see for yourself the different care options and lifestyles, you will feel more comfortable making the necessary changes.

Please remember, if you are aware that you will need to make changes in the near future, whether that is three, six or 12 months from now, most likely the time to do so is right now.

Procrastination and waiting for the “right” time will only place you in a critical situation and not relieve you of any worries. Oftentimes, families wait too long, and the subtle changes they were waiting for have now escalated to extreme, in-your-face changes. You are now faced with a crisis.

Once a crisis occurs, all bets are off and it’s time to start over with minimal choices and options, if any at all. So once again, hear me when I say, “Do not wait for a crisis—–spring into action!”